


Making History

by E350tb



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22769269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E350tb/pseuds/E350tb
Summary: Lars is bad at time travel.Based on 'Counting Down' by loveluckylost.
Relationships: Lars Barriga & Connie Maheswaran
Comments: 8
Kudos: 123





	Making History

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loveluckylost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveluckylost/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Counting Down](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20739746) by [loveluckylost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveluckylost/pseuds/loveluckylost). 



> For my good friend loveluckylost!

** Making History **

_ Spain, 1492. _

“Guards! _Guards!_ ”

Lars swore as he bolted through the harbour of Palos de la Frontera, a squad of very large, very angry Spanish soldiers on his heel. He didn’t know where he was going - he didn’t even know why he had done what he had done. All he knew was that he needed to lose his pursuers as quickly as possible before he portaled out - and that Connie was going to _strangle_ him.

He charged up the gangway of a small carrack and and into the hold, grinning as he realised it was largely empty. He took a deep breath, screamed indelicately, and leapt into the pink portal.

He landed painfully on the wooden floor of the belltower, rolling over and slamming into the stone wall. He lay there for a few seconds, groaning, before he dared to turn to look at his companion of the past few millennia.

“I think that went well,” he said.

To say that Connie looked displeased would be a massive understatement. Her eyes resembled fire, and Lars felt decidedly small under her gaze. He resigned himself to the inevitable, well-deserved barrage.

“What,” demanded Connie, “the _FUCK_ was _that?!_ ”

“I, uh, I saw an opportunity,” replied Lars, “and I took it.”

“You broke history, Lars! _Again!_ ” Connie lunged forwards, pointing at his nose - Lars squealed and pushed himself back against the wall. Part of it was genuine fear, but if he was being honest, he was also trying not to laugh.

“You can’t say he didn’t deserve it,” he shrugged. “Besides, there’s nothing in the history books that said he didn’t ge-”

“We can’t keep doing this, Lars!” exclaimed Connie, running her hands through her hair in frustration. “We’re gonna screw up the timeline!”

“Why?” asked Lars. “All we’ve done so far is do things we already knew were going to happen. Like, we were probably supposed to build Stonehenge, you know? And it doesn’t matter if we’re the ones who inspired Athena and Hades as long as someone did.”

“I can’t believe they’re still giving me shade about that Arachnea thing,” muttered Connie. “You step on _one spider…_ ”

She shook her head.

“Okay, becoming gods? Fine,” she shrugged. “Whatever. But what about _you_ living the life of El Cid? What about that, huh?”

“That was a fun few years,” chuckled Lars. “Remember when they thought I was dead and strapped my ‘corpse’ to a horse?”

“No, I didn’t watch, I was too busy _freaking out about the timeline,_ ” replied Connie.

Lars smirked.

“Anyway, you can’t really talk, can you _Hatshepsut?_ ”

“Hey, somebody had to fill in for her,” snapped Connie. “And besides, there’s not much historical record left of her - there’s more wriggle room. You’re just walking into recorded history and…”

“...ensuring it goes exactly as written,” replied Lars. “Face it, Connie, I’m writing the canon here.”

“You challenged William the Conqueror to a duel! And _beat him!_ How is that sticking to ‘canon?’”

“People did that in olden times,” shrugged Lars.

Connie pinched the bridge of her nose.

“We are the worst time travellers,” she muttered. “Just… _the worst time travellers._ ”

She slumped down next to Lars.

“Okay, so maybe we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing,” she said. “That’s fine. But, you know, maybe try to be a little more careful going forward? I don’t want to find out I’m the real Elizabeth the First or something, you know?”

She smirked.

“Except that’d probably be you,” she added. “I can’t pull off a ruff like you can.”

“Dude, I know nothing about Elizabeth I,” said Lars.

“Probably for the best,” nodded Connie.

She got up and looked out the window. She could see the guards wandering the harbour, baffled at the disappearence of their prey. Beyond them, on the wharf next to a big carrack, a man, clearly in pain, was being helped to his feet, screaming obscenities to all who would listen.

“Okay, it’s kinda funny,” she admitted.

“Heck yeah it is,” nodded Lars. “Besides, he had it coming. _Asshole_.”

Connie chuckled.

“He did,” she nodded. “That’s fair. But let’s make a pact, alright? No more trolling kings and popes.”

“Right.”

“No more building world wonders.”

“Gotcha.”

“And I don’t care how bad he is,” finished Connie, “but you are never - I repeat, _never_ kicking Christopher Columbus in the nuts again.”

Lars smirked.

“His real name’s Cristofo.”

“ _That’s not the point, Lars._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, they really suck at this.


End file.
